NOW then.

All the things that I said I was and wasn't looking forward to has happened. There has been tantrums and extra cuddles and of course the funny things that kids say!

However, something that I did not factor in to my estimations was that there would be some ‘you suck, I hate you’ kind of talk at me! 

My eldest has had a cough so we stayed in the first few days and now my youngest has a cold! 

Monday was great, they were good as gold at work with me and even joined in doing some squats which got lots of ooh’s and ahh’s because they're cute!

After that I thought it best to rest for a few days (them, most certainly not me!) as it was terrential rain and not very warm!

Currently feel like I live in a monsoon. Most of my flowers and vegetables love it but I can't get out there to enjoy them. 

WHY HAS IT RAINED FOR A WHOLE MONTH?! 

So, we sang karaoke, played quizzes, baked cakes, picked some blackberries from our own garden which amazed the boys.

Our first day out was Friday and then as a family we went out Saturday to the Hornets Summer Fayre which was great until our youngest was just unsatisfied by absolutely everything.

Firstly because I wouldn't give him my cider! Next because he threw his snack on the floor and then because my husband dared to put him down because he already had our 5 year old on his shoulders! 

How very dare he! We stayed for two hours and after spending £30 we thought it best to leave. 

So on Friday we had met a friend at the grand pier and had arranged to go for lunch afterward. The boys had a somewhat good time on the bumper cars for babies, the helicopter ride, the beer pong! Oh the pong! 

My youngest was fantastic at it but my eldest kept throwing the ball everywhere else but at the game so we ended up chasing balls all over the pier! 

My five year old does not have an understanding of the value of money which I'm sure no five year old's have.

So whilst asking questions about why he can't go there or on this, my youngest was either eating or being carried as he was getting tired.

He has stopped napping now but when he has had a busy morning or if he is poorly, which he is, he needs 40 winks. Because of this and because we didn't want to spend anymore money, we went for an early lunch.

My eldest did not like this and I'm sure that if my friend were not with us he would have screamed his head off. 

When you spend time with friends do you always come away feeling rubbish? Because in that instance, on that day, they seem like a better parent, person or mum to you? Your children prefer them because they are not you. 

You, who literally still wipes their bums and does everything for them. You who taught them how to people, how to speak and how to walk.

You, who cooks for them from scratch and gives them choices of what they want. You. The one that is their servant!

You are disregarded and forgotten simply because the other mum is calmer or spends more money, or lets her kid have loads of sweet treats or any kind of parent that's different to whatever you do with your kids. They are better you. 

So we got in the car after I carried my youngest back half a mile, and my eldest was upset because he didn't want to leave and said to me…

‘I wish your friend was my mummy, she's nicer than you’ 

Nothing cuts deeper does it? 

All my life I've had insults thrown at me and they have been most elaborate but mostly unoriginal but this...this is something else.

Another friend came over with her children and yet again I got ‘but why do they get to do that? And ‘why can't I have one’

Ohhh no fair! Accompanied by the pout and the stomp that is the universal signal of a spoilt child there in that moment. 

You then spend days, weeks wondering if you were right to say no, if you are a good mum or maybe you shouldn't be so ‘oppresive’ or a ‘killjoy’. They forget that I am that mum that rolls on the floor with them and jumps in puddles so deep that it splashes my face and gets in my hair.

I'm the mum that sings and dances through Asda and crashes into the shelves because I have a cardboard box on my head. All to make my kids laugh and none of that costs anything. 

The key though I think, is to remember that although there are other mums that do and will do things you don't do, there are also things YOU do that make YOU special that other mums was not do. 

So in that precise moment when you are not giving your child what they want. That isn't he problem, NOT YOU. Don't feel bad and don't beat yourself up because you are amazing. 

Jolene Wilson, Weston mum.